This playlist is for those who think they will be alone forever, and deserve that. For dying relationships. For people who truly believe they are unlovable. The truth is there are so many people waiting to love you, but it’s nice that people made art to let us know we are not alone in these feelings.
“No Children” by The Mountain Goats
This song, and entire album Tallahassee, tells the tale of a failing marriage between two fundamentally flawed people. Every lyric in this song could be analyzed to fit the theme of this playlist, but here are a few that really stand out:
“I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow / I hope it bleeds all day long.” The narrator craves destruction and pain, not directly planned or intended, but still by their own hand. Even when they try to clean up their act, they make even more of a mess. They yearn for the misery, pain, and pity that this continuous bleeding will create.
“And I hope when you think of me years down the line / you can’t find one good thing to say” speaks to the narrator’s self loathing. They can not think of one positive thing about themself, so why should anyone else?
“I am drowning / there is no sign of land / you are coming down with me / hand in unlovable hand” This lyric has a sense of shared suffering and mutual entanglement. The couple’s bond is not based on mutual affection or support, but rather on a shared sense of being undeserving of love or care.
“Everybody Does” by Julien Baker
Julien Baker is sort of a master when it comes to self deprecation through music. She has a real knack for expressing shame. I mean all of this in a non derogatory way, of course. This song starts with religious implications, alluding to Baker’s deeply religious upbringing that she’s said are a source of her lasting guilt, seemingly just for being alive. The chorus of this song makes her self loathing extremely apparent
“you’re gonna run when you find out who I am / I know I’m a pile of filthy wreckage / you will wish you’d never touched / but you’re gonna run when you find out who I am / yeah, you’re gonna run”
She does not even give herself the chance to be loved, stealing her heartbreak from the future. She literally refers to herself as a “pile of filthy wreckage,” which is about as self deprecating as it gets.
“Uncomfortably Numb” by American Football ft. Hayley Williams
This song tackles the cycle of generational trauma and the struggle to break free from it. The somber melody paired with the introspective lyrics makes it a staple track for when I am feeling a need for solace.
“I blamed my father in my youth / now, as a father, I blame the booze”
The narrator is focused on the fact that there is something wrong with them that always needs an explanation, when it is implied that the core of their problems lie within themself. They accept that they live within a cycle of failure, unsure if they will ever break free. Heartbreaking! Thank you American Football.
“Angels Like You” by Miley Cyrus
The entire Plastic Hearts album is a perfect break up album when you feel like the bad guy. It ranges from an IDGAF vibe to complete acceptance that they are hated by people in their past.
In “Angels Like You” the repeated refrain “angels like you can’t fly down here with me” suggests a recognition of the other person’s goodness in contrast with the narrator’s own struggles and destructive tendencies. They completely take on the blame of the failing relationship with “It’s not your fault I ruin everything / and it’s not your fault I can’t be what you need.” This song is perfect when you’re wallowing in incompetency and incompatibility.
“The Good That Won’t Come Out” by Rilo Kiley
This song is extremely honest, to the point of being unflattering. The narrator refuses to get checked by a doctor even though they believe they’re really sick, because they fear being fully seen. They are afraid that if they are examined, the viewer will see all the wasted potential for good the narrator has, and all the lies they knowingly mask themself behind. Their self destructive patterns are conveyed through the assumption that when they go out they will embarrass themself. This behavior serves as a temporary escape from their internal turmoil, but ultimately reinforces their sense of inadequacy and shame. The narrator’s refusal to confront their issues reflects a deeper fear of vulnerability and the potential rejection or judgment that may come with being fully seen.
“Pine” by Basement
This song says it flat out in the first verse: “I hate myself, but that’s OK.” This song paints a picture of a person with extremely low self esteem, emotional dependency, and a lack of authenticity in their relationship. The title “Pine” does not reference the narrator pining over their partner, but instead the emotional validation they can provide. It is clear that this speaker is truly incapable of believing in themself, leading them to seek fleeting validation from others rather than confronting their own self-worth, at the others expense.
“I Don’t Like My Mind” by Mitski
Mitski has a unique talent to put her internal unrest into words in the most devastating manner. “I Don’t Like My Mind” is a shining example of this ability. This track explicitly expresses her inner conflict that is a theme throughout most of her music.
The opening lyrics “I don’t like my mind / I don’t like being left alone in a room” reveals the dislike she has for herself, she does not think she is good company. When she is alone she ruminates on all the shame her past behavior brings. She constantly fights to distract herself and drown out her mind with loud music and overworking. In the end, she knows she cannot outrun her mind, and that eventually silence will find her, and she will be forced to face all the bad. This song is perfect for this playlist, avoid all your bad feelings by focusing on someone else attempting the exact same thing.
I have to reiterate: you are not bad, you are not unworthy, just because it feels true doesn’t mean it is. This playlist is your companion on the days when you can’t get out of the depths, when you want to wallow in pity. Hopefully it makes you feel less alone, hopefully tomorrow they will just be songs and not reflections of reality.
As a Houston native, I am passionate about the deep well of talent that Texas has to offer. From DIY shows to major label musicians, I just love to consume live music. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to highlight and memorialize incredible artists through photography and writing. When not on tour, studying at the University of Houston, or at local shows, I can be found reading, writing songs, enjoying soft cheeses, planning themed parties, and rolling down the hill at Hermann Park.
